They also said I’d never make it as a writer.
But I wrote anyway.
I kept on showing up — even when there’s a part of me that believes I’m not talented enough to be a legit artist-writer type.
I’m too pragmatic, too in-your-face, too eager, too hungry.
But I keep showing up anyway.
And now I’ve done this: I’ve launched my own website. A self-hosted one.
Not a WordPress.com site like I had before in my 30s till I reached 40.
This time, I’m paying for my domain and investing in the hosting.
To make the site cool — because I suck at visuals — I hired a pro. (It cost me some!)
With all this effort, I’m claiming my corner in cyberspace.
This is my personal library. My digital den.
Some women collect Neiman Marcus bags.
Some men are sneakerheads.
I have a website full of essays.
It’s a place to make tambak (dump, display) all my life’s work.
But more than that, launching and maintaining this blog is an act of self-care.
Every word I write here is time I eked out between being a mom to teenagers and holding down a day job.
Because let’s face it — if you’re an artist, a Chinoy artist, you don’t exactly want to be a starving one. Gotta prove the relatives wrong, right?
Kidding aside, I’m sensible with finances and other so-called earthly things. This is one of my core values. I would love for this blog to pay for itself someday.
I tell my psychotherapy clients all the time: try to love yourself more.
But even I struggle with how to do that.
This blog is very much like jogging first thing in the morning even if you don’t feel like it.
Like, note to self: “Just go do it, bruh, you will thank me later.”
I’m in the middle of my 40s now, and the years are beginning to stretch forward toward retirement.
I’ve started asking the big questions. Not just, “What am I doing?” but “What will I leave behind?”
When people look back on my life, I want them to say:
She wrote her truth, and she helped others find theirs too. She did her best to embody her values.
In launching this site, I’m signaling deep respect for myself.
(I don’t know where this sentiment is coming from, but it’s here in my heart and it feels right.)
Thank you for being here. You are my gift.
I value you, dear reader. I hope to serve you right with my words.
A Note on AI Images
I am trying my best to use AI images ethically. I use free-generation AI tools to create blog visuals because it’s practical and frugal. I can’t draw to save my life, and I don’t have the eye for photography. Using free AI tools gives me a sense of autonomy, and I think everybody wants that piece of freedom. Peace. ✌️
