I’m going to stop chasing after my dream job because I already have it. I’m going to stop chasing that “what if” sense of pride as a published author because it’s just going to come. I’m going to stop wanting people to like me because people don’t need to like me for me to like me.
I am starting to like, accept, maybe even love myself, and that is revolutionary. I am valid. No one can take that away from me. I got off the wrong foot with my dad when he was raising me up—he called me names that made me feel low and useless. What’s done is done even if I had to pay for his mistake for many, many years.
I have forgiven him because I also make mistakes as a parent, as a wife, and as a person. And even if I do make mistakes, the family I have built, not the family I was born into, will forgive me. They genuinely love me. I have found my bunch.
The likes and the shares won’t matter in the end, in whatever arena of life I’m in. What matters is if I mattered to others; what matters is how I made them feel.
So I will do my best in my job: it is already my crowning glory. From jobless to freelancer to corporate and stable, it is already a great achievement for me. It does not matter if it is boring sometimes because stability is my core need (it might not be yours). Others’ opinions about my job won’t matter as much as my own opinion.
Now in midlife, I am starting to find peace within myself. There will be gradual progress, but I’m not going to chase it. I’ll trust the flow and follow where it goes.
