Is freelancing for you? It wasn’t for me.
I have a friend ten years younger than me, and she’s a profitable freelancer. I have a friend about my age, and she’s also a successful freelance copywriter. I also have a friend ten years my senior making lots of dollars in the gig economy. Truly, it does not matter how old you are; if you’re in the right business, you’ll thrive.
Freelancing works fine for them, but freelancing is not for me.
I’m sharing the story of how I came to this conclusion, and I’m sharing it because there’s so much hype about the upsides of freelancing. The downsides of freelancing are rarely discussed. But it’s important to know that freelancing is not for everybody. We can all do with less guilt. I want to challenge your FOMO (fear of missing out).
For four years, I was a freelance copywriter. And for four years, I wasn’t very happy. I couldn’t pinpoint the root cause. Until something wonderful happened: I got a full-time office job.
Let’s backtrack and begin with a brief backstory, shall we?
I graduated college in 2001 and got my master’s in 2005. In between graduating from college and finishing my master’s, I had corporate jobs, and I taught in a college for a while. All the way through, nobody I knew worked from home. There were few office-based freelance jobs, and online job platforms were unpopular.
Let’s put it this way for my millennial and Gen Z friends: I started working before the advent of Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Trello, ClickUp, and Notion. The most advanced technology was texting. Yup, I know what beepers/pagers are.
Back then, the only freelancers I knew were businesspersons, artists, and rock stars. Stay-at-home moms do not qualify.
In 2008, my spouse and I got pregnant after overcoming fertility issues. I resigned from my job because we made a decision that I’ll be a dedicated stay-at-home mom. I willingly said goodbye to my career, adding, “See you when I see you,” with no definite deadline. This period began my ten-year hiatus from formal work.
Now, let’s fast-forward to 2019. My sister, also a homemaker, got a part-time work-from-home job. Inspired by her, I decided to try my luck. Only to find out, kalawang na. (I’m rusty already.) The beautiful resume that I crafted in the early 2000s didn’t mean sh*t to anyone. Nobody wanted me. I needed a major career overhaul to snag an entry-level freelance job.
So, you see, I stumbled into freelance writing not by choice but by circumstance. There were simply no other options.
What were the chances of somebody who has not worked for ten years on the job market? Ask any HR professional, and they would say, “Nada.” If I wanted to be a player again, I had to accept whatever low-paying jobs were available to gain the necessary experience.
Fast-track to now, and I have an okay portfolio—I’m not a bottom-of-the-pile freelancer anymore. But that doesn’t mean I am a successful (and happy) freelance writer.
Because as far as freelance copywriters go, I am a failure.
I say this because I don’t demand $25 an hour for a job. I don’t earn $160 for composing a single email. Sure, I wasn’t floundering; I had regular clients, but I wasn’t winning the game. I was just mediocre.
That didn’t sit well with me.
For many months, I tried to figure out the secrets of becoming a top-notch freelance writer. Is it attending copywriting seminars? Is it having a great profile on Upwork? Is it networking? Is it all of the above?
My freelance writer friends generously supplied me with the answers, but deep in my heart, I couldn’t take their advice. Something was wrong with me.
“I don’t want to be a freelancer. It doesn’t suit my personality. I want a regular job!” a voice inside me screamed.
These days, it’s almost taboo to say what I just said, but it’s my truth. Can’t deny it.
The real-deal, hot-shot freelancer writers indeed rake in the millions. But I CAN’T do what they’re doing. One morning, while doing moving meditation, I asked myself if I could be like them, and the answer was a muted, hesitant, guilt-ridden no.
I don’t want to hustle for jobs in online platforms. The best copywriters are in several online job platforms. They are always on the lookout for new clients and new deals.
I don’t have an entrepreneurial mindset. Self-promotion isn’t my thing. (Gasp! I’m Chinoy. Oh, the shame!)
Most importantly, constantly trying to prove myself to others grates on my insecurity. (I’m actively working on self-worth and self-love.)
Overall, being a freelance copywriter is tiring, but it’s not the happy kind of tiring. It’s a morale-zapping kind of tiring.
There are undercurrents here:
“You must sacrifice yourself to make lots of money. If you don’t, you’re useless. You will bring shame to the family. We will all lose face.”
Followed by a deeper unconscious thought:
“If you don’t sacrifice yourself, Mommy and Daddy won’t love you anymore.”
Huh?
After I uncovered these deep-seated beliefs, I got a new perspective.
I looked around me and my present reality. My present family loves and supports me as who I am. Nobody’s judging me for my career choices. I’m my harshest critic.
I’ve been feeling miserable as a freelancer because I don’t want to do it. I just want to be paid to do something with my skillset.
The reverse is also true. If your personality aligns with the freelance lifestyle, then embrace it. You’ve got the potential to become an exceptional freelancer. Are you (somewhat) extroverted, entrepreneurial, tech-savvy, and great with time management? Then, be a freelancer. You can be your own boss and chart your own course.
And to all my friends who are freelancers, kudos to you! I admire you! We walk different paths. I can’t be who you are and do what you do. I can only forgive myself for not being enough.
But I am enough. (够好了).
For a month now, I’ve been putting in hours on my regular job. I pinch myself every morning, telling myself I’m so lucky it’s a work-from-home arrangement, like what I was used to when freelancing.
There’s a price to pay, but this time, I’m willing to give it all I’ve got. Finally, the doors of the corporate world have opened for me again. I’ll be the best non-freelancing copywriter I could be for my mental health.
