Rejection! I am not a real writer!

The Guild did not accept my application.

I feel rejected and unwanted and NOT a real writer.

I feel so low.

But at the same time, OK, point taken. I’ve only been in this writing business for one year.

So, maybe I need a writer’s portfolio?

Get myself published in international journals?

I am not going to stop doing my research with the Guild’s members. (The guild approved of this research.)

Neither am angry at anybody for rejecting me.

After all, I really do enjoy the research. It is a chance to probe my “soul”, my psyche, about what really matters in my life.

Or what really matters in a writer’s life;

what things make sense,

what propels writers to become writers.

I found out that it’s not just money, is it? It is partly money because life is complex, and the symbolic interactionist explanation of money cannot be discounted.

I’ve made some acquaintances who can be friends via this research.

I am neck-deep in Charmaz’ Constructivist Grounded Theory textbook, because of this research. I am profoundly amazed, absorbed and staying up late reading journals for this research. I’ve never felt so stimulated since… (I forgot when it was that I was so intellectually stimulated).

I am in love with this research work. I will get it published. (With the help of the guild, of course). I am doing this study, not just for the Continuing Professional Development (CPD) points for PRC, I am doing it because it matters to me.

I am intensely, personally involved. I’ve come to realize that this research is my passion project just like some fiction writers have a book that is a passion project.

I have already identified myself as a non-fiction writer, and if this is my first stab at it, then I will plunge deep.

Grounded constructivist theory is hermeneutic in nature, it lies on the premise that no research is objective, and that reality is constructed. Data is constructed. The researcher is inseparably part of the research. But personally invested does not mean biased (that is where reflexivity comes in).

Well, before I go on a ramble about the technical details of my project, I’ll stop. Here.

So.

Rejected…

Be a better writer.

Get published.

Apply again in 2022 to the guild.

I’m not going the hell away.

I am a writer, and I will become a good one, a better-skilled and experienced one.

The ten years I spent at home with my kids meant I had to pay the price of not being as fast or as experienced as all the other writers who are legitimate members of FWGP.

So what.

I am me. I can only walk my path. I’ve understood that under the same context, under the same situation, another person might not have done the same thing: meaning, be a full-time mom.

But I am me. I decided to stay and focus on the kids. (I was also given that opportunity via an economic buffer.)

So be it.

I will be 40 in 12 days.

I am not a legitimate writer according to the Guild.

I do not have legitimacy.

I AM A NOTHING.

Yet.

The featured image on this blog was AI-generated by me using free tools, namely ChatGPT, Canva, and Leonardo AI. I use these images to support my written content creatively and cost-effectively.