Body Betrayal

Where I am right now.

Being betrayed by my body. Being treated for Throat Problem.

Not seeing or talking to patients. (I am contagious. And I do not have the energy for them.)

Barely getting out of bed to take care of my kids.

Worried sick about my kids. Are they going to getting sick because of me?

Am I giving them enough care? Am I neglecting them? Can I be a sick mommy? I don’t want to be a sick mommy.

My body betraying me.

I have never been this sick my whole life. Depending on my spouse to check up on me. Am I eating enough? Am I taking the meds on time?

Head worried. Am I going to pass the licensure exam test in this state of mind?

There is no God to help me and no one to pray to.

(Well, that is the price I pay for being atheist.)

All I can do I have some hope and faith that —

This too shall pass.

I will get better.

There are people who care about me.

And If I flunk this exam due to health reasons, time is long and there will be another chance. Another year.

For now, all I need to do is survive the next few months of the treatment.

God does not exist and he/she/it does not care.

But my family and friends are solid and they back me up.

They love me.

My kids love me. And when I am up and about again I will make up for the lost time.

If they get sick because of me I will take them to the hospital and get them checked.

My spouse married me for better and for worse, for sickness and for health.

Time is long and one day it will be my turn. To pay back the goodness I am receiving now.

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