I’m assertive and confident, your ENTJ friend who speaks openly without reserve. I’m not very tactful sometimes, but I have your welfare in mind.

Why do people want to be my friend? Why do people like having an ENTJ like me around? If you have an ENTJ friend just like me, and you want to be good friends with them, read on.

The ENTJ approach to friendship

There are certain roles people associate with ENTJs. He can be the baseball team captain. She can be the squad leader. No matter where we are, ENTJs are natural-born leaders. Because of this tendency, we can be a little intimidating. Well, a lot intimidating.

But the thing is, we get past your defenses because of charm. We’re extroverted and we reach out to you. Even if you are the shyest person in the room, we make an effort to talk to you—especially if we have a serious motive behind.

I can’t count the many times I just took it upon myself to befriend the quietest, most withdrawn person in the room. Usually, I’m curious. A lot of times, I see a potential talent—my brain gets thinking, “Where does this person fit in terms of my goals or the team’s goals?”

Coming from afar, this goal-oriented motive may seem cold.

Why befriend me when all I want to do is apparently to make good use of you?

It’s not all that bad!

ENTJs love opportunities, and we can’t seem to pass one up. We see people as great resources of connection, skills, and abilities. We see the utility of these gifts.

Sometimes, you’re blinded by your own beauty and brilliance. We see it, and we want to make you shine.

That’s why…we want to put you in the action plan.

But before that, we need to sell it to you.

And here’s where our charm is put to use.

What does an ENTJ mean by “enjoy”?

ENTJs like me work hard and play hard.

Our lives are meaningless without hitting targets.

If you think like an ENTJ, any aspect of life has targets.

Even on vacay, I have targets. I like to keep things in line, I like to tick the boxes. Checklists are my friends.

This can be very annoying.

Imagine, you’re trying to relax and take in the moment, and I’m on full-on Commander mode.

(The Commander is the moniker MBTI enthusiasts give to the ENTJ personality.)

I’m trying to hit the KPIs while you’re there just…chilling.

Irritating! Grates on your nerves!

But you know we’re right. If it weren’t for us, you won’t get up your a** and beat the deadline.

Or clean your room. Or complete your homework. Or wash the dishes….

In the vacay scenario, we’re the ones with the itinerary, knowing where all the essentials for the beach are. Plus, the emergency meds, the phone chargers, the directions, and so on.

We’re nothing if not efficient.

Yeah, we know (almost) where everything is, and we’re the ones in charge of packing.

You need people like us.

Sigh.

You want my advice? Brace for it.

Even if the ENTJ tends to be tactless, we have your best interest in mind. Genuinely.

But before you ask me or any ENTJ for advice, brace for it.

ENTJs do not tend to hold back when you ask them their opinions.

This is especially true you ask them the most stimulating question of all “What do I do to achieve…(insert a goal)?”

ENTJs are drawn to objectives like a magnet. When we see targets, we strategize how to meet them.

An ENTJ will listen to your story and interpret it as follows:

“Oh, my friend is having trouble with: (identifies issue).”

This is followed by the thought, “What are the possible ways to solve this issue?”

Because an ENTJ is a thinking type versus a feeling type, count on me as your ENTJ friend to use logic more than empathy.

We like to dish out sensible advice; the problem with the advice is it’s “too cold”, callous even.

My husband says I lack a compassionate understanding of the situation.

“So what if you don’t feel like it? Ignore your feelings, just push through the pain!”

We’ve had so many marital spats because of that statement! (I married a Feeler, an INFP, in particular).

Bottomline (oh, how we love that word): If it makes sense intellectually, then we don’t know what the fuss is all about. After all, the rest are just feelings. Get on with it.

How to strengthen your friendship with an ENTJ

How do you nurture your friendship with an ENTJ? I’ll give you a few tips here to handle us:

As an ENTJ, I take myself seriously and what I need from others is some light-hearted relief. However, since I’m very goal-oriented, the objectives come first. DO NOT belittle my goals. If you diss them, you diss me.

As a leader, I need encouragement to pursue my self-made objectives or the team’s objectives. (Yeah, I guess you could say I’m a wee bit sadomasochist.)

It would mean a lot to me if you let me know that you support me, even if I don’t hit my goals. I fear failure and incompetence the most. And sometimes I withdraw from friends and family when I believe I failed.

When I fail, I feel like a failure, a total loser, unworthy of existence, inept, pathetic, worthless…oh, the mental agony. Oh, the hot gush of shame.

But it’s during those low points that I cut myself off from your valuable support.

If I know you have my back, if I know you still love me even if I’m a useless piece of sh*t (my perception, not yours), I will be more receptive to talking and getting support.

But don’t act too patronizing. A little patronizing is ok. (It’s called encouragement, I reckon.)

Inspire us ENTJs to pursue our goals and the team’s goals. It’s gonna be good for you, in the long run. Wink.

Lastly, for your mental health, never take what I say too personally. If you’re touchy about your achievements in life, I’ll grate your nerves.

ENTJs like me don’t mean to put you in a bad light or make you feel insecure. It’s just how we view the world: everybody has scorecards, and I can’t help but blurt out the points.

Suffice it to say, some friendships with ENTJs are burned because of their bluntness.

As an ENTJ, my weak point is my flawed inability to recognize your feelings as valid reasons.

Feelings are valid?

We ENTJs magnify the importance of logic and undervalue the importance of emotions. That’s why we need Feeler people in our lives. For balance.

Oh, the MBTI experts say our best friendship matches are the ESFJs, ENFJs, and the ESTJs.

Come to think of it, let me assess my friends.

Note: A version of this article appears on J. Gi Federizo’s blog. Link here.