A year or so ago, I took a photo of myself in front of Fully Booked Bookstore’s branch in Rockwell. If you’re anything like me, taking selfies feels uncomfortable. But that time, I made an exception because I felt miserable and lost as a writer. The photo reminded me of my ultimate dream: to be a published author with a book in a well-known bookstore such as Fully Booked.
Fast forward to the present. Last week, I submitted the full manuscript to the famed dark horse independent Filipino publisher, PaperKat Books (PKB). Before I joined PKB, my hopes were just castles in the wind. Now, I have tangible proof that my vision will come true. Many authors under PKB already have books on Fully Booked’s shelves. Maybe next year, my book will be displayed alongside the books of my newly found friends.
A year ago, I was moaning about the lack of prospects for a first-time nonfiction writer like me. And now I’m exhilarated. It’s going to come true! I can see the horizon! There is a way out of the hole I dug myself in.
Reflecting on my progress so far, I’m lucky to be writing in the era now when anybody determined enough can call themself a writer. I was born in the 80s. Growing up, writers were regaled with a godlike status. A writer is an artist; you can’t be one unless you’re supremely gifted. It also helped tremendously if you belonged to their exclusive club, the literati.
Reading Jane Austen, Mary Shelley, Frances Hodgson Burnet, and Edgar Allan Poe, I always believed being a writer is a pipe dream. “I want to be a writer someday when I grow up” became my rallying cry until I graduated from Chinese high school. Sigh, but how many high school career dreams become true?
My life took its twists and turns—before I knew it, I had docked my writer dreams under File Name: Archives. If your parents were as pragmatic as mine, you would have finished a sensible course like Business Management, Accounting, Nursing, or Medicine. (I majored in Business, specializing in Human Resources. Because, according to my dad, the world will always need HR staff) Like me, you would have also made some choices not aligned with your expectations.
Then, like me, you would have been beset by a thick fog of guilt. You ask yourself, “Why didn’t I act on my dream? Why did I stifle myself?” You look at pics of your younger self and wish you could tell this person to be braver, more confident, and to take risks.
But then, midlife hits hard, doesn’t it? Maybe somebody your age, a batchmate, a coworker, a relative, dies. And all of a sudden, you realize the other half of your life is gone, and if you’re lucky, you will have 20-30 more years to go.
I stopped blaming my dad for the circumstances that led to me finishing Human Resources instead of a degree in writing, such as communication studies, English literature, or journalism. He was doing his best as a parent; I forgive him.
But more importantly, I forgive myself for depriving myself of joy for so long. I can keep blaming my late dad, the Philippine economy, or the gatekeepers of literature as high art.
As Stephen King once famously said, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” For me, that meant getting busy writing. Getting busy looking for people to publish my work. Getting busy being an upcoming author in this day and age. I know full well I entered the scene later than most aspiring writers, but I’m not discouraged. Maybe this old machine still has some power under the hood.
In fact, my late start gives me an advantage. Writers have more opportunities now than ever before, especially compared to the 1990s or early 2000s.
One time, I told a friend about my insecurities regarding my lack of formal training in writing. She remarked, “If it bothers you, do something about it.” Back when I was in my 20s when you missed out on studying literature or creative writing in college, there was no second chance. Now, we have Coursera, Udemy, and many others like them. You can take up any writing course in the comfort of your home, spending minimal money and zero on transportation.
For example, I completed a course in creative nonfiction writing, the Memoir and Personal Essay Specialization offered by Coursera in partnership with Wesleyan University. I did so in my free time, between mom duties and full-time work. Achieving this gave me more confidence and the necessary boost to engage with my publisher and editor, PaperKat Books, about completing my manuscript.
Aside from online classes, you can take to improve your writing, there are more avenues to get published now if you’re an aspiring author like me. Self-publication has shed its bad rap and is now a more acceptable option. Even established writers are opting for self-publishing.
This is partly due to the rise of e-books, online retailers (e.g., Amazon), and media platforms (e.g., Wattpad). These platforms have made it easier for authors to reach a wider audience and bypass traditional gatekeepers. Tech can be a powerful force for change, smashing down barriers that have long kept voices like mine hidden and unheard.
Who knows? My first book might be in Fully Booked next year or the year after that. And what if it takes longer than that? Then, it’s worth the wait. The little nudges of growth these past years have led to a significant shift in my self-belief. I know that I am ready to share my words with the world, ready to be discovered, and to be loved in return.
