Dear Dr. 9,
I met you back in 2002. You were my supervisor for the second job I had fresh out of college. The education system was different back then, so I graduated from college at age twenty. At age twenty-two, I was already completing my master’s degree, and working for Adage Corp., where we were colleagues.
It is perhaps of my youth that I saw you and continually see you in a perpetual glow. But then, you’ve always maintained that soft femininity that eludes me. Not that I desire to possess it.
I’m writing this letter to express my gratitude. These days, I am actively cultivating a more optimistic outlook. I am doing so to counter negative bias, which I discovered, has been running unchecked as a background app in my mind. I want acknowledge the positive impact you have had on my life, both in the past and now. By recognizing your influence, I hope to continue to be open to inspiration and the good things that come my way.
I could still remember Norah Jones’ first album playing on a loop in the office while we worked our shifts. You’re still working in this office today, but all the other people have gone. We’ve all gone, only you remained.
While some people will see the dedication to Adage Corp. as a dead end, I don’t. Now that I am a mom myself, I understand the full sum of the situation. But even when I was in my twenties, I never questioned your decision to stay. I accepted it from the get-go, probably because I intuitively grasped your need to be loyal to the people you’re emotionally attached to. Looking at my career situation now, we do mirror each other. Somewhat.
Back when I met you, the Bali bombing happened, this was the year after 9/11. The bloodbath on the beach brought the threat of terrorism closer to our native shores. Like the Indonesians, we Filipinos are proud of and fond of our beaches. We saw them as safe places, but that innocence was shattered. To counteract that, people clung to symbols of security. I clung to the belief that I would have a Ph.D. in psychology by the time I reach age 30, just like what you were in the process of doing.
That year and the few years following it, amidst all the chaos happening around me, I saw your choices as symbols of safety and comfort. Adage Corp. was not the highest-paying company, but the intangible rewards were worth it.
It helped that you were so certain of what you wanted. You had a firm sense of conviction and self-belief. I wanted to replicate the same level of confidence and love for self.
Looking back, I see that what I really wanted was not the job position or advanced degree, but rather the courage to follow my innermost values, just like you did.
I didn’t have the words to express it then, but I recognize and admire it now.
At present, I work for a not-so-high-paying company just like you. And it looks as if I followed in your footsteps. I choose this job carefully because it affords me the freedom to spend time with my kids. It is mentally stimulating enough but not overwhelmingly stressful, allowing me to have work-life balance.
Another thing I value most about my job is the strong personal bond I share with my boss. Despite our language barrier, our thinking is so closely aligned that we have developed a shorthand way of communicating, which greatly improves our collaboration. Having this kind of connection enables me to perform efficiently in my role as a Team Leader.
More importantly, the beneficial effect this job has on my mental health, my ability to work on my own time, and the opportunity to showcase my leadership abilities far outweigh any monetary benefits. No amount of money can compensate for the sense of competence and fulfillment I derive from it. It’s just like what you have with Adage Corp. to this day.
Maybe it helps that you’re not much older than I am, unlike many other role models I look up to. This detail makes your achievements feel attainable to me, only if I have the guts to do it.
Today, I can say that I am close to achieving what you were able to achieve back then. I’m not pushing forward with the Ph.D., though, because I’ve decided to do what I always wanted to do, and that is, to write.
When I was in my twenties, I didn’t yet know how hard I had to bargain with life. But now, I have compromised. And just like you, I had to make a hard choice.
I chose me.
Because now, I know if I am honest with myself and if I ask what I really want from the outside world, I will be all right. I have to begin with me, not the other way around.
What’s more, I realized that a lot of what I want is not what I genuinely want, but what I think others want me to want. I don’t want to be a psychologist just because it happened to be my dream job when I was in my exploration stage.
Digging deeper, all I want is to be respected and loved. But isn’t that what we all want?
Once again, Dr. 9, thank you. I’m happy we still stay in touch, even if it’s just through Facebook. I deeply admire your dedication and integrity, and you have been a role model for me since my 20s. Your positive vibe is infectious. Every time I look at your FB posts I smile. I hope to continue learning from you and staying in touch for many more years to come.
Your friend and mentee,
Melany
